Drug Free Childbirth - 6 months later

YIKES!!! I remember seeing this image before both of my children were born and thinking who in their right mind would refuse to get an epidural? Never thought I would do it twice! After my first natural childbirth experience being so long and painful I thought a few times about getting the epidural. But at the same time I felt like childbirth was an amazing experience that is so natural, I didn't want to mess with it. I will say my second time around was so much different. It was beautiful. It was perfect.

I was in pre-labor for 3weeks before she got here, that was annoying. Especially because I went to the doctor and hospital multiple times expecting to be coming home with a baby, only to be sent home. I couldn't sleep or eat or do anything really, it was painful enough to cause a whole bunch of problems but not enough to move that baby along.

When my water broke in the middle of the night it was like the movies huge gushes of water! She was pasted her due date by 5 days so she had a bowl movement in the womb (Meconium) so the water was brownish/yellow and cloudy. I was freaked out and just wanted to get to the hospital even though I had no contractions. Good thing, because as soon as we got to the hospital my contractions started. No pitocin this time! It was awesome to be able to walk around the room and use the birthing ball because I was not attached to any IV. Jeremie and I were laughing and dancing through the beginning stages of labor.

When the contractions got really strong all I wanted to do was lay in the bed. I would pass out during them because they were so intense. Jeremie had a bucket of ice water with lemon extracts in it, he dipped a wash cloth in it and put it over my face during. It helped so much with nausea and distracted me from the pain for a couple seconds. When I felt that urge to push I was only 9.5cm dilated again, just like with Avery. My midwives let me try. Think I only pushed for about 15minutes and she was here. And just like with Avery I felt absolutely no pain through the actual child birth! It's insane to me that our bodies can do that! And again that rush of hormones right after childbirth is worth the hours of labor. NEVER have I ever felt so alive! And happy!

Seconds after Karter was born

No tearing this time either! Which makes the recovery so much better, I was working out again 2wks after she was born. My conclusion, I think you have to pay your dues on the first one and baby #2 is like a cake walk. I went into the hospital around 4am and Karter was born at 7:30am. I mean don't get me wrong, labor is still a very painful experience but it was nothing like the first time. I was scared and it took 33hrs....compared to 3hrs this time. As soon as I had her I couldn't wait to have another one....same plan no epidural, all natural.

 Ladies its your decision. So please don't let me or anyone else convince you on what is right for you and your baby.  If you are thinking about doing it drug free.... I highly recommend giving it a try...never will you get to experience something so amazing in your life. So empowering. So beautiful....and a short 6months later I can not for the life of me even remember what the pain actually felt like. But my perspective on what I am capable of doing has been forever changed!

Avery meeting his sister 4hrs after she was born.

Miss Karter Paige today, 6moths old

It's NEVER what you expect

Isn't that one true fact in life? Nothing ever pans out the exact way you expect, no matter how much you put into planning. I imagined and replayed over and over in my head the day that my son was born before it happened. I created what I thought I was going to feel, what my room would look like, what the nurses would look like, how it would smell, the things I would be thinking while it was happening and how he would look. I planned and planned and anticipated. It was nothing like I thought it would be like, and thank God it wasn't because the way it happened was way better than I could have ever imagined myself. I'll leave most of the gory details out but here's what really went down:

Sunday 11/13/2011
- 4:00pm: Contractions start. We start timing them 5-8 minutes apart. I call my Doula, she tells me to go to sleep. What?! She told me that I would need rest so if I could sleep through the begining of labor at home it would helpful later.

Monday 11/14/2011
-1:00am: I wake up to a very strong contraction. When I get to the bathroom my water breaks. Half a sleep and scared/excited I yelled out for Jeremie. Unlike in the movies, when your water breaks in real life its a slow leak that continues until the baby is born. In the moment I completely forgot what to do, I looked at Jere and said "how do I get off the toilet, it won't stop?" Months earlier I bought adult diapers for this reason. He calmly reached under the bathroom sink and passed me a very attractive pink adult diaper. SWEET! Called the doula again, she told us to start timing contractions again.

- 7:00am: After 6 hours of weak contractions they slow down and are irregular again. I called the Midwife. She told me to come into the hospital soon and that I would probably have to be induced if my contractions didn't start back up. Ughhhhh no! I told her that was not what I wanted to do. And she said "sometimes you don't have a choice, you need to come in. Our goal is to get your baby out safe and healthy. We'll talk about options when you get here. Walk around, for a while to see if you can get your contractions going again. Be here by 10am"

- 9:00am: No consistent contractions. Despite nipple stimulation, bumpy car rides, bouncing on the exercise ball, and pacing the house. It was time to go in.

Right before we left for the hospital

I actually felt amazing. The baby dropped so my heartburn was gone and I could breathe again.

- 2:00pm: We were all checked into the hospital and after an hour of pacing the hallways and talking about options with my Midwife and Doula it was time to start Pitocin. I stalled and ordered a turkey sandwich first. I remember the nurse coming in and saying "You feel good enough to eat...that's a problem"  My Midwife told me some people just need a little bit of the pitocin to kick start their own labor. The plan was to start on the lowest setting and slowly increase the dose amount until labor started.  I was hopeful that we could get things going, I could get off the pitocin and continue with my PLANNED natural child birth.

Seconds after starting the pitocin drip

-5:30pm - Whoa! Active labor. Strong strong contractions. I'm not a happy camper anymore. Didn't get off the pitocin, we're actually at the highest setting. I am crying in pain wondering how long it was going to last. I tried to focus on the fact that I would be holding my baby soon.

- 7:30pm - Time for the first check. After 2 hours of very painful contractions, I'm hoping I'm at least 6cm dilated........and.....and....no only 2cm. I could die. I start crying and ask for nubain. It's a pain medication, that would allow me to still have control of my legs so that I could get in and out of the tub. And unlike and epidural it would allow me to feel when to push. It is used as a way to take the edge off and relax during contractions. It was weird. I could still feel everything but I didn't care as much. It was like being drunk. I was able to relax and sometimes fall a sleep in between contractions.

 -9:00pm - Check again. I'm at 7cm! Yes! Time to get ready for the tub. First I had to walk to the birthing room with the tub, (you're not allowed in the water birth room until your are in active labor) Walking to the tub felt like a long exhausting WOD. Now I had to get weaned off pitocin. I couldn't be on it in the tub because with pictocin you have to be on a constant baby monitor, the contractions could be too strong for the baby and you can't get in the water with a baby monitor on.

-10:00pm - I'm getting in the tub, this is it. I'm scared to death of the actual birth, it's all I can think about.  Once I'm in the tub I feel sick, I'm already hot and sweaty,  getting into the hot water makes it worse. My doula has a ice cold rag with lemon smells on it, I keep putting it over my face, it keeps me from vomiting. I feel alone and scared in the giant tub, even holding Jeremie's hand.  My contractions slow down.....I have to get out of the tub.

-11:00pm - Check again, I'm at 8cm. Not good, back on pitocin and another dose of nubain.

Tuesday 11/15/2011

- 12:00am - Nubain did not kick in or take the edge off like it did the first time. I'm in extreme pain. Screaming. Like those crazy ladies you see in the movies, blood everywhere. If you would have told me before that I would be naked on all fours screaming and crying, in front of a room of people,  I would have told you, you were crazy, but that's where I was. I was tired, I was in the most pain I had ever felt in my life and I was ready for it to be over. I didn't care how. I started asking for an epidural. 

- 1:00am - I'm yelling at Jeremie "I don't want to be brave anymore, I don't want to feel anything anymore, I'm done" Our doula gets the nurses to run my blood so that I can get an epidural. I have to move back to the first room, there's not going to be a water birth.

- 2:00am - I am back in the room we started in, the epidural is on the cart waiting for me. The anesthesiologist gets called out on an emergency. I feel this indescribable urge to push.  The Midwife comes into check me...9 1/2 cm. She tells me that sometimes you can deliver without being fully dilated and if I wanted to push I could try. I thought to myself, Try is not a word I like in my vocabulary, this baby was coming out now. I'm not waiting for the epidural. Squeezing Jeremie's hand  on one side and our Doula's on the other, I take a deep breath and push on the next contraction. All the pain is gone. It almost feels good to push. The nurse shocked says "ummm that's that baby" calls the midwife over. She didn't even have time to put her gloves on. The next push his head was out. In between pushes the nurses give me oxygen. I put all my energy into pushing and am so exhausted afterward I feel like sleeping in between, despite what was happening. Apparently our Midwife said "okay on this next one you don't have push so hard". I didn't hear that I wanted to hold my baby. According to Jeremie, he almost shot across the room.

Avery James Tokarsky, 8lbs 15oz, 19inches. Welcome to the world little man!

-2:15am:  He's finally here! I'm holding him on my chest crying as the nurses wipes him off. I feel a high like I have never felt in my life. I'm still crying all I can say to him is "Hi, I can't believe you're here, hi baby, hi" over and over. Jeremie got to cut the cord. I honestly can't remember all the details other than that. They took Avery to weight him and do the tests. Jeremie went with them and it took my Midwife almost an hour to stitch up the damage. I broke every blood vessel in my face, eyes and neck.

- 2:50am: My family can finally come in to see us. My Dad, Mom and Sister were all there the entire time waiting for Avery's arrival. When they leave I'm left holding Avery trying to comprehend what just happened. Jeremie comes over and gives us both a hug,  says "You are amazing" and kisses me on the forehead. Then he says "but that was the most gory thing that I have ever seen". hahahahaha! 

Avery is 6weeks old today. Its still hard for me to believe that he lived in my belly. It's an absolute miracle that he's here and safe. From the time of conception to birth there are so many things that can happen,  I thank God everyday that he's here and healthy. Birth is a crazy, unpredictable, amazing event. Its not what I expected to experience at all. And it is true as soon as you hold that baby in your hands you forget the pain. I can't wait to have my second...and maybe third....again with no epidural. My Midwife said the way that my contractions were I probably would have had to have a c-section if I got the epidural because it slows down contractions and I was already at the highest dose of pitocin. I don't know what would have really happened. I'm thankful that it happened the way it did. I am also the first woman on my Mom's side to have a non-c-section birth.

Right now, I'm focused on soaking up all the baby I can handle, the messy diapers, sleepless nights, and all the baggage that he comes with. I'm taking it all in,  cherishing the day to day, seemingly uneventful moments.   He's already so big, growing out of his newborn clothes. I feel like I'm going to blink and he's going to be walking and talking, then driving, then walking down the isle, then having his own babies. The uneventful moments are the real stuff. That's what matters, as a parent it's who you are in each of those moments that matters. I look at him and know that I can be better for him. He will learn what I teach him. Every day, every moment, who I am teaches him how to be. I will be better for him, I will be his role model. When he looks at me with those sweet innocent eyes, depending on us for everything, how could I not want to be a better person? It really puts life into perspective.

But won't your baby drown?

My favorite question asked when people find out we are doing a natural water birth; "Won't your baby drown?"  And coming in at a close second, "They make drugs for a reason".

Holistic Birthing Center at St. John West Shore, where we plan to meet our little man. 

My philosophy on child birth is very similar to my philosophy on health and wellness; humans have been having babies for millions of years and up until the last 100 years we've been doing it all natural. Seems to be working out pretty well for us as a species. Child birth is a natural body function, I don't understand why we have turned it into a medical procedure. Of course there is always exceptions and of course medical intervention is required and needed in some cases, but for low risk healthy pregnancies it's completely unnecessary.  Our bodies are absolutely amazing and when we let them function naturally they do amazing things. Why would you want to mess with that? Now there's also the whole, women's rights view, why should I have to go through all that pain and uncertainty when I can choose to schedule a cesarean and a tummy tuck? You're right, you can choose whatever birth plan you think is best for you and your baby. That's the hidden key for most 1st time mothers, you do have a choice in everything. If you go to a hospital and a traditional doctor you might never know that you can choose a different path. Even through prenatal care, you have a choice. My first reaction to the routine gestational diabetes test that involves quickly drinking a sweetened liquid (called Glucola), which contains 50 g of glucose, was "hell no am I'm putting that much glucose in my body at once". Considering the average recommended amount of daily glucose is 40g per day and I have been paleo for over a year so I probably stay well below that number, 50g would knock me out for weeks. I questioned the procedure and asked if there was a different method of testing for gestational diabetes, guess what....there was. A simple meal of eggs, milk, orange juice and toast 2 hours before my finger prick. Why do we tell pregnant women to drink 50g of glucose as a routine procedure? What?! Again you have the choice. Ask questions. Next "routine procedure" that made me  question the typical methods,  ultra sounds every appointment. I will admit it's pretty cool to spy on your little nugget, but what are the effects of ultrasound exposure to our babies? Ultrasounds can be very insightful and even life saving when something goes wrong, but why expose your healthy baby to them every month just because that is the typical thing to do? You have a choice. Do research. Ask questions. Those were the two big ones for prenatal care, there's all those fetal testing and other procedures too but the doctors are usually pretty good about letting you know they are optional.  We decided not to do any of them. I asked myself this question, "If I knew there was something wrong with my baby would I do anything different?" My answer was no, so why would I want to know/worry. For me that was the best decision.

For the birthing process there is a whole list of things to consider. The major one of course, the epidural. I won't waste your time trying to explain all medical research that I have done, do your own and come to a conclusion. My good friend gave me a DVD called "The Business of Being Born":



That was enough for me. Yeah it is a little conspiracy theory like Food Inc, but it was the reason I did so much research on natural child birth. I also really liked the natural child birth series on Chris Kresser's, Healthy Skeptic Blog. Those are two awesome sources to get you started. Most people that have had a traditional industrialized child birth have generously shared their opinions about how I will be changing my mind when the actual day gets here, but I feel pretty confident in the fact that I don't want an epidural to interfere with the natural hormones that my body creates to manage labor or the bonding that is created between baby and me through those hormones. I also want to experience that natural high feeling, that accomplishment, I know it will be like nothing like I have ever experienced in my life and I feel like I would be missing out if I didn't do it naturally. Plus the warm water immersion is a great natural technique to relieve pain. And no....my baby will not drown, he's been in liquid for 9 months, receptors in his cheeks are activated when oxygen hits them signaling his lungs to take over for the first time. How cool is that?

I will admit, there are days where I wish I could return all the knowledge that I have found and schedule a cesarean and a tummy tuck but that is just the fear of uncertainty creeping into my head. I know a natural birth is the best decision for me and Baby T.

Right after birth there are more "routine procedures" that are administered to your newborn unless you request otherwise. The three most typical: vitamin K Shot, Hep B Vaccine, and antibiotic eye drops. After doing research and talking with our pediatrician we are not doing any of them. Whoa do the research on those, it's crazy that parents don't know that they have the right to say no to them. Why are we vaccinating newborns for sexually transmitted diseases (Hep B) anyway? Yeah awesome we have the technology to prevent sexually transmitted diseases but what are the side effects?? What does that do to a newborn's immune system? What about the other ingredients that are in the vaccines? I haven't even started researching all the infant vaccines....but I'm sure that it is a similar cluster of misinformation. I found a holistic pediatrician that has similar values as we do and feel like with her guidance and a lot of research we will make the right decisions for our lifestyle.

And finally the one thing I did not cover with "routine procedures" -  Circumcision.  Wow! Lots of controversy there.  We decided to get baby T circumcised on the 8th day so he wouldn't have to get the vitamin k shot. For cultural and religious reasons we felt like that was the one thing we couldn't go all natural on.

We also hired a doula in preparation for our big day. She is an experienced non-medical birth coach that has been answering all my questions thus far, helped us create a birth plan and will be there to support me and Jeremie during the entire labor and birth. I can only imagine Jeremie and me in the room alone during labor....me asking Jeremie questions, him not knowing what to do, me yelling at him....throwing things, head spinning, speaking in different languages, walking down stairs backwards.....oh wait that's the Exorcist. Hahaha! In all seriousness though, I hope to avoid the whole "what's happening to me and my body" panic attack and the "I want to kill my husband for not understanding everything that is happening to me" by using a doula. I also have faith that she will keep me drug free.

My goal in writing this all out was to #1 solidify why I made the decisions that I did so that when I'm in the pool with no drugs next week I have a clear reminder of what I wanted to experience and #2 to empower you to take control of your own health and if your pregnant or have children to take control of theirs, be their voice, do research and choose for them.

Oh how I miss my cute little baby bump:

It's just out of control now and very uncomfortable. There's so much baby in there I'm not sure how he's going to continue to grow for two more weeks.  I officially stopped Crossfitting the first week of my 9th month. My body was not having any type of physical activity.....getting dressed this past month is a pretty great workout. Not to mention unpacking, setting up the nursery and cleaning.

We have been in our house for a whole week now.....montage video coming soon.