Enough

Am I good enough? I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this concept. As a type A, goal setting, perfectionist that loves to be a people pleaser I find myself in a this conundrum a lot. How do you love and appreciate where you are NOW, yet always strive to be better? Is that even possible? If you are always setting goals and trying to be a better version of you, where do you draw the line? When does being good enough become lazy?  Comfortable? When are you good enough? What the hell does that even mean?

My definition of "good enough" has changed over the years. I remember when I first started CrossFit, how my body image changed from what I looked like to what I was capable of doing. I was hitting PRs every other week, my times were dropping, and I was making drastic improvements every month.  I never hit a natural plateau, I got pregnant, but I'm pretty sure that most people go through a similar situation at some point in their CrossFit career. As a coach, I see it happen all the time. LOTS of fast improvements, then all of the sudden a regression or very slow improvements. I went from "I'm freaking awesome, I just lifted my body weight off the ground" to "Why am I so weak? Why can I only lift 2X my body weight off the ground" AND "I am a rockstar!! I just did 10 pull-ups!" to "I suck, I can only string 25 pull-ups together".  My negative body image issues that I fixed with "strong is the new skinny" and "my body is amazing for what it does" is back with a vengeance saying "I'm not strong enough or fast enough..." And I'm back to square one.

What happened here?

My theory: I stopped concentrating on what I was capable of doing in that moment and started looking around at what others were doing.

I never felt that until I came back from my pregnancy. I was obsessed with what other new moms were doing, what other people in my gym were doing, I was insanely insistent on paying attention to other people's times and max weights and comparing myself to them. I would justify my craziness with "its a good measure of where I'm at" BULLSHIT! The truth is until I concentrated on what I could do in that moment, I was miserable. I wanted to quit. I hated myself. I hated the way I felt.

But the second that brought focus back onto myself and back to the moment, I was free. I started reading a really awesome book that helped. See you at the Top by Zig Ziglar reminded me that I am the only ME there is. Nobody on the entire planet will ever be me, they will never be in the same situation, have the same point of view, or have the same issues as me. NEVER. Not now, not ever. So really I can only compare myself to me. And what's even more interesting about this, is that with uniqueness and rarity comes value. I am so valuable to this world because I truly am one of a kind. YOU are too. We all are. When you focus on yourself and what YOU are capable of doing right now the pressure of being "good enough" goes away. Of course you're good enough, NO one can be a better version of you. You're always good enough if you give it everything you have.

I stopped comparing myself to other people, it's a terrible measure of where I stand. I now compare myself to my very best, in that moment. I know when I give it everything I have or when I'm faking it. I know when I slack off. When I make excuses. I rightfully beat myself up when I don't give it my best...not because I'm not as good as someone else but because I cheated myself. Don't ever beat yourself up for not being as good as someone else, that's stupid, how can you be? How can you be a better version of someone else? You can't. So you can't compare yourself to them.

If I'm being honest with myself and I gave it my very best, I am always enough. Always.

I'm Shanna Marie Tokarsky, Jeremie's wife, Avery's mother, an athlete, an AdvoCare nutrition advisor and a coach at The CrossFit box. I am the best version of ME the world is going to get. I am enough.

My original inspiration for this post came from a combination of  Stephanie Vincent from Radical Hateloss asking CrossFit Women for quotes for her upcoming article in WOD Talk Magazine; "Do you/did you get down on yourself for what you cannot do or don't do well in the gym? are you hard on yourself in outside of the gym (ie i could be a better mother/wife/friend) How does/did that impact you? If you overcame it, how?"

 And Fashlete of the Month:

 Melissa Guitron • I am ENOUGH • "CrossFit for the first time taught me to embrace who I am today, not who I want to be tomorrow, as enough." Now Melissa is spreading her message and inspiring other women and young girls through her CrossFit Women and CrossFit Kids programs as a coach at CrossFit San Mateo   Click here to read Melissa's story.